So the day finally came. I wasn’t surprised by her answers, and I was prepared for it. It breaks my heart to say that we are no longer friends. But, that was necessary for me to move forward. It was necessary for me to forget her. And, it was necessary for me to value myself. All this long, the only thing in my mind was her. But, now that has changed. My priority is me. No relationship can sustain until you value yourself. That’s the thing I learnt and I guess I will do better in future.

She will be sad. She will cry. I know this, but I have to be mean here. I have to stand by myself and not to change my mind. I won’t let that happen. Because this time I am determined to do that. I wanna get over her. And, that too very soon. I don’t give a damn if anyone says that I am being bad, rude or whatever. I just don’t care. What I care about is me. Just me.

I am sorry for everything!

Things are starting to happen between us. I mean that I am now able to talk to her about all the questions that I want to ask. Though, she doesn’t like it, but I still ask them. It’s bad I know, but I can’t live with this burden. Anyways, she has asked me for a day’s time to answer all my questions. Let’s see what happens.

Meanwhile, I read this article on Yahoo! which was really related to me. Here it is:

http://www.yahoo.com/s/912825

After reading it I realized what mistakes I did. In future, I will keep those in my mind.

I don’t know where I am leading to. I mean it’s like I am not having control over my emotions. I am a sensitive guy, I know. But, there has been quite a fuss about myself. I can’t hold myself back now. I just can’t help it. I know she doesn’t love or will never love me, but I am still stuck on her. I can’t move forward.

I really don’t know what’s in store for me. I mean should I go all the way to ask her why she doesn’t love me. Why feelings for me doesn’t come naturally to her? These are the questions I wanna ask her for a long time, but I don’t want to hurt her. Now, it’s hurting me more, I really don’t know what to do. Do I have a choice? I guess no. I am just so addicted to her that I can’t loose her. But, the thing that bothers me is that this addiction doesn’t change into something called possession. Also, I don’t know whether this love will change into hatred. I just hope not!

Well, I saw this movie today. Jaane Tu.. ya Jaane Na (Whether you know… or not). It was a romantic comedy and I really liked it. I like the movies which I can relate to reality. It doesn’t mean I don’t like fantasy movies but I prefer these kind of these. And, this was perfect for me. I could relate it to myself. Actually, the story in the movie was quite similar to mine.

It was a story about a guy and a girl, who are best friends. They do everything together, they are always together and what not! Many people think that they love each other. But, to their surprise they are just friends and don’t think about each other like that. So, they thought of searching someone for one another. The girl finds a girlfriend for this guy. But, she started to become jealous of her. When she meets a guy of her dreams, the guy started hating him. So after all drama and all, they finally realizes that they love each other and hence, unite in the end.

The situation is quite similar to mine but the only difference is I know I love her. I hope my story has a happy ending too.

What started as a good day, turned out to be real sad. That sums up my day, today. I went out on a date with that girl I mentioned earlier. But, it wasn’t good. She wasn’t my type. I don’t know why, but she’s not my type. Actually, I find her a bit fake. I don’t know whether that’s true or not, but I didn’t like her. Well, that was just the beginning.

Then, I went to see HER. I just felt so good seeeing her. I felt like hugging her and telling her how much I love her. But, I couldn’t do that. I felt like so close to her, yet so far. I want to ask her many things. But, that doesn’t happen. I felt so helpless. I wanted to tell her so many things but the words just stop. When she believes in me so much, when she trust me above all, then why can’t she love me. She surely loves me as a friend. But, I want more. I want her to love me as I do. Even half of it would do.

I can’t really think of any girl except her. I tried so many times but I just can’t. I guess that’s my destiny to only love and not being loved. It’s sad, though!

What a day?! For two days, I have been lying around doing nothing and still, I am asking for more. Anyways, that’s all crap. I really don’t know. Last night, I actually thought of writing a book. Even when I know that I am a terrible writer, I thought of writing a book. Isn’t that amazing?! I even figured out the beginning. Actually, I wrote the whole chapter in my mind. And, I guess it was fine (according to my standards, though).

The main plot revolved around me. I am the hero, you see. It was about how I met a girl in a train and fell in love with her. And, then how I lost her. It seems like just-an-ordinary-story kind of story, but for the ordinary kind of guy I am, it’s perfect for me. Though, I am not sure whether I will write it or not as for now, but I hope to write it someday when I am free of all. By the way, it’s kinda true story of mine. Actually, more of a true story.

And yeah, a friend gave me a book to read. It’s called “A Wild Sheep Chase” by Haruki Murakami. It was a bit boring for the first two three chapters. Actually, I am finding everything boring these days. Anyways, that’s just me and my boredom. But, now I am finding the book quite interesting. I hope it remain interesting. I am no great lover of novels, but I do read some if I have nothing else to do. And, mostly, I have something to do.

I hope I can meet her today and watch a movie. I am so bored.

I have been trying to write something for quite a few days but didn’t get any time. Lately, I have been busy with my internship and, specially, EURO ‘08. Football is one of my favourite sport. The other being Cricket. Anyways, it’s going fine these days. Everything is alright. I am enjoying every bit of it. And, yeah, she is doing the internship with the same firm as mine. So, we meet everyday and we hang-out everyday. It’s great being with her.

I am trying to be really nice to her. I bring her food everyday. Today, I even cooked the food myself. She really liked it. And, I try to do everything that makes her happy. I don’t want any sort of trouble now as we meet everyday. So, it might make things awkward. And, moreover, as my feelings for her are not much the same, so I am doing what a good friend does. Yeah, I guess so.

It seems a bit odd. Okay! I will not lie and say I am not doing it. The truth is I am doing this all. I have started to take her for granted. Not exactly granted but I can’t find a proper word for that. Anyways, the story is I am not being the same as I used to be before. I know I have tried it many times, but to no avail. But this time around, I am quite determined to do this. So yeah, its kinda selfish of me, but I really don’t care.

Few days back, she texted me that she will be coming nearby and told me to reach there. I simply said NO. She said that it was rude of me, but I didn’t go to meet her. Because I didn’t feel like meeting her. I mean its okay to meet now and then, but I have learned to skip some of the plans. I want to show her that I am not always free for her and it takes a lot to meet her. I want to show her that I am also busy. I want her to miss me.

I know it a bit bad on my part, but for all the good I have done, some bad thing can be tolerated. Anyways, she’s getting all over my mind, and thats kinda frustating me. I am sorry to say that.

It’s been like the dumbest day. I don’t know exactly, though. You know the kind of days on which you doesn’t seem to find anything good. You just want to minus that day from your life. And, you just want to move forward. Yesterday was that kind of a day for me. I mean it was just a lame day.

So yeah, I have been talking to a girl for quite some day now. I met her through some common friend. I liked her when we met, though, not so much but still. And, I am all confused whether I should date her or not. It’s kinda hard for me. Actually, I want to forget about my past or for that matter “HER”. Even my friends say that I should go ahead and ask her out. When I told HER about this girl, even she insisted upon that. Well, it makes sense in her case as she would like me to date some other girl. Anyways, I don’t know what to do. It’s like I want to break free but I don’t want anyone to take her place. I hope you all are getting me.

It was a pretty hectic day yesterday. But, still I managed meet her. She was back from home. And, as I said earlier we couldn’t really talk that much while she was at home. So, I really wanted to meet her. Though, I have to cancel some of my previous plans, but its fine. The meeting was refreshing and she was looking really gorgeous. I was blown over (like I always do!).

We talked a lot. I told her about my trip and she told about her home. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she started talking of her ex-boyfriend. It was quite surprising. I mean, generally, she never talks about him, unless or until asked. And, I wasn’t even ready for that (to be true!). I am kind of jealous of him, and I have told her that too. Anyways, she started talking about him. I really didn’t pay that much attention to her (I was damn hungry and was busy eating ;p). But, I did hear a bit of it. After that thing we went home.

Later in the evening she called me up and straight away asked me some questions. It was like those “if you were the one, what would you do” types question. And, seriously, I hate these types of questions. But, the most surprising part was they were kind of similar to the situation between me and her. She asked me if I have a very good friend and she asks me out, what would you do? I said I would date her if I am single. I believe in building a bridge of chance in love. And, that’s what I told her. She didn’t agree to me. But, I don’t care. The only thing I am concerned is; why she asked me such a thing?